After a caption on a throwback ringside photo of a young Sasha Banks (most likely brought to the show by the newest inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame and her cousin, Snoop Dogg) parodied “Juicy” by The Notorious B.I.G. – reading “It was all a dream, I used to read WWE Magazine” – led to someone in the comments creating their own version of nearly the entire first verse, I couldn’t help myself but to reignite my rap career and finish my version of the entire song.
Yes… Collin The Brain has made his return to the world of hip-hop… For now.
Up until the verse about John Cena, all credit goes to that random guy in the comments section of the latest photo posted by Sasha, but the rest came from my brain (no pun intended).
I’ll leave you to look up the original lyrics to Biggie Smalls’ iconic hit due to language which some of my peers wouldn’t appreciate – I will have you know that this version is 100% clean… unless you for some reason have a deep hatred for professional wrestling… in your case it’s as explicit as it gets.
It was all a dream I used to read WWE magazine
Stone Cold and The Rock in a wrestling ring.
Hangin’ pictures on my wall, every Saturday
shotgun Saturday night with the King and J.R.
I let my WWE music soundtrack rock til my CD popped.
Watch the Big Show getting beat by Rock N Sock.
Way back when I had the black and red nWo shirt with the hat to match.
Remember Rappin’ Cena the da da da da, you never thought John Cena would make it this far
Now he’s in lime light cause he rhymes tight.
Brock Lesnar gettin’ paid
Yeah here comes the pain.
Sasha Banks got big at 23, used to come to the shows with the D O double G.
American Dream with kings and queens like a winner,
Son of a plumber in alleys with pork and beans for dinner.
Peace to Bill G, Eric B, Kid 1-2-3
Funk Brothers with Paul E. Dangerously.
Bought you out, never thought Vinny would,
Get rid, same stuff’s no good
I learned that it’s alright to cheat,
Tricking the referee like Eddie G.
And pay per view wasn’t cheap, now watch the network all day,
Dude Love, it’s the Foley way.
Shane-O and Stephanie keepin’ it busy
Fighting with their dad way to risky
Against each other at the biggest show in the company.
I never thought I’d still be watching this rasslin’ stuff,
Stick with it even though it’s getting rough.
Now the legends in a house telling stories in a roast.
From a territory over on the east coast,
Live in glory, at the peak
Sell out seats to RAW every week.
Now there’s a new face of fear
4 Wyatts who don’t care if you cheer.
Lunges, punches, interviews with fools.
Considered cool when no holds barred, no rules.
Handshakes of a black man misunderstood
Suspended but it’s all good.
Samoa Joe was on TNA Genesis
He was dead broke, couldn’t get paid like he wished.
NXT screen, looking mean, ain’t no joke.
Got two tries, win a match with Finn Bálor.
Regal, no longer throwing knees on the mat
No need to worry, general manager done with that.
Rumor Bulletproof is coming,
Stars from New Japan Pro Wrestling
Thinking back on Shane O’Mac,
Now a job in H-I-A-C, he has come back
Anything he jumps off, of course,
Go through glass or through tables, no remorse.
Ric Flair rides in limousines not a bus
No heat, wonder why Eva Marie just must.
New Day is the best way
They clap and show the power of positivit-ay
I’ll watch as long as I live,
Cause it’s good to watch even if it gets predicted
Yeah, it’s still…
It’s still good.